Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize