Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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