you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
