I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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