I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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