I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
