when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
