This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
