Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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