Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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