you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
