I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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