Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
don't judge my taste in strippers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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