Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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