I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
