If i come over, it means nothing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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