her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
