You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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