I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
