I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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