So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
