Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
