C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
