It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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