When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
