My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
