every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
