The maid of honor just puked.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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