I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
