ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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