how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
