Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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