I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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