you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
