wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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