I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
