haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
