i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
