Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
