So drunk its hurt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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