you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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