dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
