come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
