If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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