I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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