he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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