when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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