I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
