Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize