I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
