i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
