I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
