just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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