Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
