he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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