You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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