two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
