Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
