I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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