the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
