The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
