Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
