I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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