I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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