i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
