too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
