Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
