You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
